“Attention Whore” – A Slam Poem



Alternative title: I have not written poetry before, so sorry.
Words (although I messed them up a couple times):
I get that it’s hard to understand the people who physiologically need attention like a human needs oxygen.
Our society likes to value independence in the same way the media likes to value Brad Pitt or, quite ironically, plane crashes.
‘That whore’ they shout, while I walk through the hallways with my skirt hiked up so high it’s like a calling that my virginity is not like hiking up Mount Everest.
So no wonder that the first time I traveled below the depths of a strange man’s waistband was fully for that one dreaded word: attention.
Insecurity decided to break through the gates of hell and possess me
Consume me
Become me
My name spells “worthless” unless proceeded by the words “I want you”
Every tick of the clock alone in my bed is a knife to the chest
Endless
Deadly
I was told that I was sexually assaulted because I said no
He made me feel like I’m some magic eight ball you can shake until you get the only answer you know
But I’m not a magic eight ball
I’m on the island of misfit toys being pushed against the dry wall
You’re playing with a toy that’s already broken, tears and all
Because who wants me?
He did.
For an hour.
You can call me a coward
In that moment when I was being suffocated by the greedy body on top of me
I gasped for air like refugees grasp for hope, comfort, and dreams
But it was just another moment I could claim to be wanted
Validated
Attractive
So I’m sorry if attention is iron and I’m anemic
Self-control and I’m bulimic
I don’t just ask for your approval
It’s an inhaler and I’m asthmatic
How do you live in a body that’s supposed to be yours
When all you want it is to have someone desire to claim it
Like Columbus or any damn conquistador
You never know when enough is enough
Because you have friends but in the end
“You only have you” and that’s fucking terrifying
I need to learn to love myself when it seems like no one else is verifying
That I am worthy of love on a daily basis and it’s agonizing
How do you shout “I’m needy”
“Don’t leave me”
“When you cancel our plans, I get physically queasy”
Attention is my crack, LSD, and ecstasy
So what am I to do?
Tell me!
I spend enough time with tears stinging my eyes like hornets
In my empty bedroom that feels like tomb
What can I do so that my only sense of self worth
Is not limited to boys telling me what they want to do to me
Under the covers late at night or in the bathroom at a fucking Applebee’s
And the irony that the only friends to make you happy
Can still throw you into a pit of fire that burns for eternity
Your skin bubbling, boiling from the heat when in reality
They didn’t actually do much more than push you into a Jacuzzi
Because you know somewhere in that fucked up brain with more cracks than busted a sidewalk
That they do love you despite their lives getting in the way
But the solution is not as clear-cut as a twelve step program because the stairs are too steep to climb
Or a daily pill to swallow because the only amount of medicine to stop the loneliness would be the whole bottle
So this is to all the attention whores
All the girls who paint their faces with insecurities
All the guys who bench press their vulnerabilities
All the needy people who feel like charities
Because I have faith that one of these days
You will not exist just for friends, family, and the FDA to cast their approval
But you will cast yourself onto others approved by you
http://www.instagram.com/hello_im_hayley

source

Fahad Hameed

Fahad Hashmi is one of the known Software Engineer and blogger likes to blog about design resources. He is passionate about collecting the awe-inspiring design tools, to help designers.He blogs only for Designers & Photographers.

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