I’m Not Okay | Spoken Word Poetry



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Music
Lucas King | Sad Piano Music – Champion (Original Composition)

Lyrics

For as long as I can remember I’ve always had this void in my life,
It’s this empty feeling deep deep inside of you,
that you can’t quite shake – no matter how hard you try.
It sort of consumes and eats away at you,
You’ll have great happy moments and just when you thought everything was fine – surprise!
The feeling always comes back, it’s just a matter of time.

The constant frustration to fill this void, something to ease the pain.
What’s the cause? Nobody knows,
Yet you feel the same sad emptiness every single day
It leaves me feeling so empty and down
like I’m missing something somehow
something that’s a big part of me
and once I have it, I’ll be happy
I just need that one thing, this missing key,
and when I get my hands on it, I’ll be complete.

I’ve tried everything – friends, education, material stuff,
but no matter how hard I try, it never seems to be enough,
It sucks,
and I know people will say that you just need to be positive,
or the solution to all of your problems is self love
But it’s not as simple as that,
not when you’ve got to the point where you just feel numb.

I so badly want to fill my heart with so much happiness that it takes all the sadness away
My childhood was so dark and angry that I always thought, in my adult life things would change.
Somehow I would no longer feel the same,
and I don’t, things aren’t as extreme anymore,
but there’s no denying that that feeling is always there – and it’s something I can’t explain.
I just wish it would go away.

I thought that when I grow up things would be different, I just thought…it would be different

You look at other people and they always look so happy,
You know you observe people’s lives whether that be in person, social media, tv,
and it seems to come to them so naturally
And I know all of that stuff can be misleading,
but when you feel so down and empty,
you can’t help but think, why can’t that be me?
Cos you want that, you so desperately want that,
and you feel like you’re doing the right things,
you know you’re having fun with your friends, having late night chats, dancing to silly music
and in the moment it feels great, you’re in a good happy place,
but that happy feeling always goes away.
and the sad emptiness kicks in again.

Do I sound crazy? god I think I sound so crazy.

These thoughts tend to hit me late at night,
And that’s when I write,
sometimes I’m so overcome with emotion that I just cry,
and I don’t know why,
makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me,
It’s so sad to admit, that it becomes easier to lie and act like everything’s fine.
So that’s what I say, I say I’m fine.

Events from my past still affect my adult life
I lash out, feel down out of nowhere and I can’t explain why?
It just gets so messed up in my head sometimes
and there’s no way to escape it, not when it’s all happening in your mind.
and so you just beat yourself up and beat yourself up til you feel so small
you know, you can be in a room full of people and still feel so alone.

I can put on an act and pretend that I’m tough
but deep down I never quite feel brave enough
Sometimes I feel so small in this big big world
That I feel like all I have are my words to keep my sense of control
These poems, they’re like my therapy you know,
a place where I can release and pour out my soul
In hopes that it’ll make me feel better, and somehow fill this empty hole.

One day I’ll look back and it won’t hurt anymore,
I’ll be able to look back at what happened and not feel so sore
Cos there’s no cure
No way to fix it, it’s just something you learn to live with,
But it’ll get easier, of that I’m sure.

You are not the demons in your mind,
You are not the hurt and pain, you feel on the inside,
You’re stronger than that, you can fight.
Understand that it’s all temporary and that these things take time.
So chin up, breathe, allow yourself to feel everything there is to feel,
You’re going to get through this,
Give it some time and you’ll heal.

source

Fahad Hameed

Fahad Hashmi is one of the known Software Engineer and blogger likes to blog about design resources. He is passionate about collecting the awe-inspiring design tools, to help designers.He blogs only for Designers & Photographers.

34 thoughts on “I’m Not Okay | Spoken Word Poetry

  • November 1, 2017 at 3:58 am
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    There is A Greater Need For An Inner Love… The Brutality Where We Come From… We Are Indoctrinated By The Narcissistic Totalitarians Who Rip The Foundation Of Safety& Security From Us.. Causing Chaos & Despair To Live Within The Shadows Of Our Spirits… We Then Become Like Test Tube Babies, Seeking The Universe For Our Kind To Fill Our Hearts. Peace!

    Being Blamed For The Horrors Of Life Will Always Give Us Self Doubt… We Can't, & We Won't Allow Them, The Evil Ones To Win… You Know If You Are Happy Or Good At Your Job, They Will Come After You To Destroy You… Like Crabs In A Bucket, They Will Pull You Back Down Into A Dark Pit Of Misery… We Have To Crawl Out To Feel The Light.. & To Love Self…

    They Want Us Not To Exist.. They Want Us To Hurt & Even Hurt Our Selves… We Must Focus & Fight Every Day To Survive… & Never Be Crushed By Their Actions Or Propaganda… Yes.. Self Love, You Can't Just Pull It Down From A Shelf.. You Have To Cultivate It… All Of Your Beautiful Talent & How Spiritually Connected To The Universe..

    You Are A Great Articulator Of Art.. You Have Skills & Insight Of Human Behavior &
    Look How Beautiful You Are… What's Not To Love… Taz…???
    You Have Some Thing To Prove… So Don't Allow This World To Get Away With Ripping Your Heart, Body & Soul… Love Self, Protect Life, Breathe Confidently, Cultivate Your Spirit, Peace!

    Reply
  • November 1, 2017 at 3:58 am
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    Seek God. Surprisingly he’s the answer. He’s your missing void. The answer to happiness and peace. The answer to purpose. I used to feel the way you describe. You are truly beautiful in both internal and external. You are loved

    Reply
  • November 1, 2017 at 3:58 am
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    All of your poems speak to me so deeply.. do you have a poetry book out?

    Reply
  • November 1, 2017 at 3:58 am
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    Wow, taz, my heart just breaks for you 💓. I've also experienced that emptiness, that void in my life that nothing could fill, and like you I've tried everything. I even contemplated suicide because it felt like my life had no meaning and I was just empty. That is when I met someone who changed and transformed my life forever. He came and healed all the pain and filled all the emptiness inside. He gave me hope and a new life and washed away all my guilt and shame. He healed my broken heart and have me beauty for my ashes, and the oil of joy for my mourning. He gave me a purpose and a reason to live and breathe. After meeting Him and starting a relationship with Him, for the first time I had real joy and peace in my life. He delivered me from depression, not instantly, but He showed me how to stay free and not allow it to get a grip on my mind. The reason you are feeling that void inside, like something is missing, is because something is missing. But it is not just something, but someone. His Name is Jesus and He loves you and wants a personal relationship with you. He loved you enough that He was willing to die for you. The void you are feeling is because He made us to be in relationship with Him, but when that relationship got broken because of sin and our rebellion against Him, all that is left of that place He created in our hearts for Him is that empty space we call a void and trying to fill it up with anything but Him doesn't help, because nothing can take the place of the Creator in His Creation.

    I love you and God loves you and cares deeply about you, even with all your flaws, mistakes and failures. Please come to the One who can set you free!

    Peace

    Reply
  • November 1, 2017 at 3:58 am
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    This is so relatable… I cried last night until I fell asleep and now it's really embarrassing to face people right now cuz of my eyes…

    Reply
  • November 1, 2017 at 3:58 am
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    Would you mind to make poem about "long distance relationship" Im struggling with that, and i had no idea what i really feel and explain my feelings. 😭

    Reply
  • November 1, 2017 at 3:58 am
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    I have felt numb until this video wanting to feel some emotion and this made me bawl my eyes out for how true it is

    Reply
  • November 1, 2017 at 3:58 am
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    Never before has the way I feel been so perfectly put into words.. thank you🙏🏽

    Reply
  • November 1, 2017 at 3:58 am
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    I feel the same way I want to tell you I know it's a very deep dark hole you'll get used to it as we get older and older you get more comfortable with it and there's no way out if you look there's no way out even though you feel there's no way out you feel like you just gotta dark empty space of the pressure nobody knows cuz you don't tell them but sometimes they could see it and sometimes it won't be easy but eventually we will change and thank you for writing this song because I could relate

    Reply
  • November 1, 2017 at 3:58 am
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    You just saved my life. … I was on the verge of taking two bottles of my meds and i played a mixed video n this video was narrAting it. And it feels so so fucking good to know im not the only that feels completely empty. Who thought things would be different. Thank u 😭💕

    Reply
  • November 1, 2017 at 3:58 am
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    Wow beautiful said and done. I feel the same way and I also make videos as a coping method and a way to let it out. The way you have spoken about mental health awareness has really spoke for most of us people. Probably all of us that feel the same way you do but don't know how to make people understand. I feel ya girl! Keep up the awesome video's.

    Reply
  • November 1, 2017 at 3:58 am
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    You are a true instrument and used vessel for this generation may the Lord continue to use you to help others ❤❤❤

    Reply
  • November 1, 2017 at 3:58 am
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    I watched this and felt like it was the thoughts right out of my head. I've tried everything. Relationships, traveling, meds and everything and nothing has helped. I hurt so bad at times I can't breath. I feel like my heart is in a choke hold. I want to smile.

    Reply
  • November 1, 2017 at 3:58 am
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    I know I am different I love spending time with my friends until a fell inlove witha boy He called me ugly and you dont know how much that hurt I just keep my felling in but when I get home I lock myself in my room and start to cry.

    Reply
  • November 1, 2017 at 3:58 am
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    99% procent off the people say: why are you sad?
    There's no right answerd…
    Everything around you is good but when you see yourself, you realise your nothing more then full with sadniss and pain…
    Who helps you? Nobody only a few people talk with you, help me… don't talk but help insted </3

    Reply
  • November 1, 2017 at 3:58 am
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    This is me to a T….I'm "broken" but I can't explain how or why…I just want peace…..death is all I think of…hang in there Taz

    Reply

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